perfectionist = mission accomplish???

oh... it's another hard day for me yesterday.
probably due to much activities that demands countless hours,
or should i say that it's the lacking of a burning spirit?

lately, i start to realise that there is a gradual change in me...
this transcient turnover happens subconsciously...
while i reminisce the incidents last few months,
i see too much unnecessary pressure and stress in my life.
(my 1st sport in uni was futsal...
initially it was only for merit purposes...
***important for getting a hostel...fight222
then it proceeded with a growing interest after meeting a bunch of silly teammates,
but as you train, you are expected to improve...
and that got me in deep deep trouble now...
there are of course expectations... eyes that waTCH.. ears that LISten and
words that Erupts.. to be the best???
is it necessary.. is it worth all the bruises???
dad has warn me about being GK... should i listen and quit and
forsake my own principle of determination...
or should i let stubornness rule over me ... pending future that is pretty far from reached....)

actually the sky out there is much brighter,
however i will continue to search for better 'vision', better illumination elsewhere.
i cant deny that this was very much likely the influence of being in a chinese school before.

since young, we were taught to improve everyday..
to perform.. to distinguish above others,
this is the DUTY as a student. yeah right!!!

as day passes, i try to put my heart in everything that i'm involved in
no matter its studies or sports or art...
(Physics was one of the subject i dislike the most,
but i was too determined to score that i drew myself into the notion that it was my favourite)
i didnt know how it is done. but eventually i did it.
( none of my friends is ever gonna believe it)

i guess even my mum wouldn't know this!!!
besides my close friends, i spoke a lot to my mum,
and ya... she's just like a tapworm in my stomach
reading my next move and so on...

AR.... there are times where i really want to stop thinking,
stop doing, stop performing, stop chasing over victories...
my happy-go-lucky friends can do so... why not me???
i want to stop being a perfectionist for once...
i want to let everythine goes in their own way...
i want to be set free....free of competition..
i want a new breath of air... filled with love and harmony
and lastly i want more in life beyond the little success and victory..
(life is not just a lever balance that weighs name and honour but is inflated with the air of wisdom and knowledge)

conclusion : being a perfectionist will never equate to mission accomplished....